How to Lose Friends

Recently a very good friend of mine had a falling out with a business partner.  I don’t know the details but I was supportive.  Then a couple of weeks later the business partner removed me from x.com.

I asked why she unfollowed and blocked me on twitter so I could never follow her again.  She mentioned it may be an overreaction but then retracted that when she thought I supported my friend more than her.  I don’t know the details well enough to offer an opinion.

What makes no sense is why I was unfollowed and blocked on twitter and facebook for something that I had nothing to do with.  It looks immature.  I was completely uninvolved and wasn’t trying to get involved.  In fact, I didn’t care.  But then this person’s husband emailed me and my friend accounting details about the argument.  Again, I have no idea what this has to do with me.  I responded by asking how this involved me.  Why anyone would email private accounting details to someone who isn’t involved, I have no idea.  My only guess is they wanted to prove their point to someone else.  Why I would care, I have no idea.

So what is the lesson out of all this?

• When people are upset don’t “talk” via email.  Upset people read emails and think they mean something entirely different from what the person wrote.  I personally switch from email to phone after two tense emails, I think it should be one if it is especially bad.
• Talking things through works much better.
• Threatening that you’ll unleash an attack never seen before is immature.  Telling someone that they are barred from talking to you is immature.  Let’s be adults and talk things through.
• Blocking people that have nothing to do with a conflict just makes you look like the one at fault and is rude.
• Sending personal accounting details to someone not involved is an evasion of privacy and simply rude. (To my friend, I didn’t read it and was shocked when I got it)
• Don’t get involved in other people’s conflicts if you know any of them unless asked.  People will think you are biased.  Suggest a mediator instead which I did, no response yet.
• Pick your fights.  If you believe they will get extremely upset and start spreading rumors and it isn’t worth pursing the matter then just drop it and move on.

I believe most conflict can be reduced if people will communicate, and that much conflict is really a lack of communication.

On a side note that may or may not have anything to do with this particular case:

• Not transferring money because you owe the another person money is a form of money laundering.  I’ve seen people do this on a much much bigger scale and go to jail.  Just pay what is owed and let the dollars fall where they be.  Tax collectors don’t like it either.
• Use affiliate links when doing business with partners at all times, no matter what.  Claiming people are your sales and you didn’t use an affiliate link is bad business.
• Refusing to send an accounting report for weeks doesn’t help.

Blocking people on twitter is almost worthless as you can to to their twitter feed on x.com/ and then their username.  People can still put you in replies on twitter.  It does remove people from being able to direct message you when you block them.

So I have one person that is blocking me on twitter now and removed me as a friend on Facebook.  I can live with it since I can’t do anything about it and I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it from happening.  I hope it make the person feel better.  And I hope this anonymous post helps you and my friend move on with life and that the attacks will end.  You both deserve happiness.